You're Sleeping on the Couch Tonight!
by l1lyfl0w3r
Summary: Ah, home. A peaceful, quiet place where I can go after a rough day at work. A place where, when I get home, my wonderful wife will be making dinner-    "JAMES BLOODY POTTER!"    Apparently my wonderful wife was home...


AN: So, I was looking around on my family computer and I found this story I had written a loong time ago. Oh my, this made me laugh so hard. Haha, go younger me! Of course, I had to edit it a bit but hopefully you guys will find it amusing too. Happy readings!

Ah, home. A peaceful and quiet place where I can go after a rough day at work. A place where when I get home, my wonderful wife will be making dinner-

"JAMES BLOODY POTTER!"

I flinched. Lily walked up to me, fire in her eyes. Apparently my wonderful wife was home...

"Er, yes, dear?"

"YOU'RE SLEEPING ON THE BLOODY COUCH TONIGHT!" My eyes widen. I had just gotten home from the Ministry. Auror work, been gone all day. Even _Padfoot_ was out of the country, visiting some girl. What could I have possibly done now? And the couch? Aw, man..

"What? Why? What did I do this time? I haven't even spoken to Padfoot for three days!" I recalled the last time I was forced to sleep on the couch. It was mostly Padfoot's fault anyway. He decided he wanted to play Quidditch...in the house…blindfolded.

"YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID? YOU GOT ME BLOODY PREGNANT!" I had to take a step back. The volume of her voice was getting more intense and I swear I saw smoke coming from her ears. Then, having finally registered what she said, my eyes widen. _Pregnant?_

"What? B-b-but how?" I was shocked. Pregnant? My wife was pregnant...I waited for Padfoot to jump out and say "Surprize! You should have seen your face!" Nothing happened. Lily smirked.

"Well, James, when two people love each other very much..." I smiled. Lily was admitting that she loved me very much. Of course, she did express that when she married me and later that night, but still. It's always nice to hear it. Wait a minute...

"That's not what I meant!" She placed her hands on her waist. A very pretty waist, I might add.

"Then what did you mean, Potter?" Oh, no. Hands on waist surnames...were we back in Hogwarts? Was I going to get slapped soon? Well, two can play that game.

"Well, _Potter_, I was merely shocked, that's all. Plus, if you ask every guy that had to go through this, that's what they all say. It's in the 'Things to Say When Your Wife Tells You She's Pregnant' guide."

"And you've read this 'guide'?" She was mocking me.

"It was a secret course for guys at Hogwarts."

"Oh, really? Did you pass?" Her smirk was still on her face.

"I used the line, didn't I?"

"POTTER! THIS ISN'T TIME FOR PLAYING JOKES! THIS IS SERIOUS!" Back to the yelling again. "I'M PREGNANT AND YOU'RE GOING TO BE A DAD!" A dad? I hadn't thought that far ahead. Me, James Potter, was going to be a dad? Woah…the look of Sirius' face when he found out will be priceless.

"Aw. Did they forget to mention that secret class of yours, that when a wife becomes pregnant, the husband then becomes a father?" How do you make a pissed off pregnant woman turn into a nonscreaming, happy pregnant woman? Hm, why does that sound impossible? Oh, right. Because it is! G-g-great.

"Lily, dear-"

"DON'T YOU LILY DEAR ME, POTTER! I'M PREGNAT AND IT'S ALL YOUR FUALT!" It must be the hormones. This is going to be a interesting 9 months…

"Are you telling me, you don't want to be pregnant?" The fire in her eyes disappeared for a moment, and her composure fell. For a second there, I thought she was going to start crying. Then, the fire came back. Oh, boy. Hm…I wonder if it will be a boy.

"OF COURSE I BLOODY WELL WANT THIS CHILD! HOW THICK ARE YOU POTTER?" I needed Moony.

"I only asked because you sounded upset about the whole thing, Potter." She gasped. Then her eyes went into slits. What did I do this time?

"I'M AN EVANS, POTTER! DON'T YOU DARE CALL ME POTTER!" I couldn't help but smirk. I forced my feet over towards my very pissed off pregnant wife and whispered in her ear.

"You married me, therefore turning you into a Potter." Her eyes widen and her mouth fell.

"Ah, crap." She then turned to walk towards the kitchen. I followed her in and placed my arms around her waist.

"I love you," I whispered in her ear.

"I know." I started kissing up her neck. She giggled. When I kissed her check, she turned her head and I my lips landed on her mouth. Her mouth moved against mine. I smiled against her lips. This was pure bliss. Her mouth opened, releasing her breath into my mine. Just as I was about to open mine, she pulled back.

"You're still sleeping on the couch tonight."


End file.
